What brought me here

 "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen. " -Henry S. Haskins

I have spent the last ten years finding what lies within me.  

It was more than I had given myself credit for.

I am now in a place where I am clear-eyed, and grateful for the lessons gleaned from the 

devastating divorce, the long struggle with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety, the loss of my career due to depression, the horrendous healing from cancer treatments.  

I can see the irony in the fact that in 2010, I had made trips to the hardware store to shop for rope, with plans to end my life....and in 2017 I faced down my worst fears in order to save it. 

Looking back, I can remember separating from my husband, and feeling completely lost. I WAS lost. I had wrapped my entire identity in being a wife and mother, and now that my marriage was imploding, I had no sense of self to retreat to; I had literally lost myself.  I put in a lot of work in counseling, learning to forgive myself, learning to let go, learning to believe in myself.  And deciding who "myself" was going to be.  The destruction of who I thought I was made space for me to find out who I really was.  It has been an interesting and exciting journey for me to explore, question, and rebuild myself based on intentional choices, rather than just accepting the status quo.  

I am not a status quo kind of woman.

The most important lesson I've learned, that I never would have believed had I not seen it for myself, is that I am strong, courageous, and resilient beyond my dreams.  By the time I was diagnosed with cancer, I was ready for the fight.  

I'm cured and I'm Zen. 

And that's a great place to be.

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." -J.K. Rowling